“The tribe has spoken.” “You’re FIRED.” “Your tour ends here.” So you want to create a reality competition show? Good for you! Americans can’t get enough of ’em. Watching badly behaved people behaving badly makes us feel better about ourselves.

Perhaps you have a concept in mind. Perhaps you even have an idea of the precise sort of bad behavior you want to showcase. But you don’t have a way with words. While your contestants will write most of your script for you, you still need just the right catchphrase, the kind that will be uttered in jest around water coolers for weeks on end.

Fear not!

For a modest fee, I will create a memorable catchphrase for your reality competition show, based on its theme, environment, and/or participants. If you are not 100% satisfied, and if you do not see it either emblazoned on a tshirt at Target or hear it in passing from people not employed by your network, I will not only refund your money, I will create a snappier catchphrase which is certain to catch on.

Or, if you would like, you may select from a list of already-created catchphrases (aforementioned guarantees do not apply):

  • “Stick THAT in your tailpipe!”
  • “Please accept this Fabergé egg.”
  • “And remember what Chris DeBurgh says – DON’T PAY THE FERRYMAN!”
  • “Ladies, break is OVAH.”
  • “I’m sorry: you’ve sold your last beignet.”
  • “Blow out your candles, Laura.”
  • “Now, skip to m’Lou, my darlings!”
  • “You’re unfriended, unfollowed, and your kiss is NOT on this list.”
  • “This ain’t your first time at the rodeo.”

Act now! Thousands of badly behaved people are waiting to hear those words!