(FUN FACT: I auditioned for my ninth grade production of Bye Bye Birdie with this song, proving how really deadly serious I was about the whole thing. I still got Chorus.)
So what’s new? Well, hopefully a return to some lighter subject matter, now that I’m emerging from the stress and depression of the last year or so of caregiving.
I’ll tell you what’s new: this being able to say “YES” to things. Kevin is starting sailing lessons tomorrow. I’m able to meet friends after work. We’re getting another tribute band up and running with our friends Adam and Bo. We’re gonna be X for a night!
We said “yes” when we were asked to move in and take care of Marcia, and in doing so, we understood that this meant saying “no” to myriad other things over the past 4 years. We became very used to it, so this is strange, this being able to say “yes” to nearly every “frivolous” and/or social outing or engagement that comes our way.
People are telling me we “deserve” it, which makes me uncomfortable, in a way. We “deserve” to go out for Mexican food on a whim because we did something that countless others have done, and are still doing. As bleak as it got for us in the last year or so, it wasn’t a unique situation by any stretch of the imagination. I don’t know; I just have trouble grasping the concept of deserving a reward for doing what had to be done.
My therapist is big on reinforcing the “yes” thing. Yes, you can take a nap. Yes, you can go to Michael’s after work and buy ridiculous amounts of Sashay yarn. Yes, you can leave your house in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday. Yes, yes, yes. Furthermore, I am not to feel guilty about it, any of it. And that’s something else that I’m struggling with. I get to say “yes,” because my mother-in-law is now in a place where I imagine she’s hearing “no” quite a bit. No, you can’t move that couch. No, you can’t go out and pick up that bag you see on the lawn. No, you can’t leave. Now, granted, we were telling her “no” just as much when she lived in the house with us, but still.
I’m working on it all. I really am.
Hey! Did I tell you? I met MOVIE STARS. I met Russell Streiner and Judith O’Dea.