The Cardinal Rule of the Internet

I made this today, after berating myself on Facebook for my failure to absorb, and summarily apply on a daily basis, that Cardinal Rule of the Internet:


I like to think I know what’s good for me. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I (mostly) don’t look up ex-boyfriends and/or their current squeezes on Google (don’t even BE like you haven’t done this). Viewing the comments on nearly ANY article online, no matter how seemingly innocuous, invites agita, followed by weeping.

We are querulous beings by nature. The first cave painting was most assuredly followed by a cave painting directly UNDER it calling the original painter a dumbass. And on and on until one of the painters finally bashed someone’s head in with a rock.

Today we are far too civilized to bash someone’s head in with a rock, so we take to the internet and accuse one another of being socialists.

So – I made the mistake of jumping in on a “discussion” about the recent brouhaha surrounding Victoria’s Secret (VS), purveyor of ill-fitting brassieres, and skimpy panties suggesting that the wearer LOVES PINK. If you’re not up on this, here’s the condensed version: VS holds annual fashion show. VS fashion show consists of models strutting down runway in impossibly tiny underpants. VS makes the rather tasteless decision to send one of these models (Karlie Kloss) down the runway in the aforementioned tiny underpants AND a Native American headdress. Many Native Americans suggest that this is, well, kind of offensive, explaining that the headdress is a symbol of reverence and respect and is reserved for the most influential members of the tribe, each and every feather earned through hardship, loyalty, and strength. VS apologizes in that way that’s not really apologizing and tells Native American community that it won’t show Karlie Kloss in this particular getup when the show is broadcast in December. Everyone should be more or less happy, right?

You know who isn’t happy? TEH INTERWEBZ. RAWWRR!

The following are ACTUAL COMMENTS. I couldn’t make this up if I tried.

Who cares! We need to stop PANDERING to ‘those’ people.

Who, pray, are “those” people? Native Americans? Liberals? Does it matter?

There is no racism in this. It was done out of respect of a holiday we celebrate. If this is the case then we should ban Thanksgiving all together. Or those that are offended, get off welfare, quit getting drunk and get a job!

Oh, that’s fantastic. It’s not racist! And to prove it’s not racist, I’m going to end my little rant with something even MORE racist!

Native indians should be happy VS even decided to include them in their amazing show.

Yes. Because I’m quite sure someone’s looking at Karlie Kloss and thinking, “What a magnificent headdress. I wonder what that signifies to the Oglala Sioux? I’m going to Google that, just as soon as I can pick my jaw up out of my lap.” Let’s hear it for cultural awareness! Thanks, VS!

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am not the most “politically correct” person in the world. At the same time, I can’t get over the insanity of non-native people telling Native Americans what they shouldn’t be offended by. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to decide that. If you didn’t grow up in the culture, if you have no knowledge of the culture beyond the smattering you MIGHT have received in school, YOU HAVE NO SAY IN WHAT THE COLLECTIVE MEMBERS OF THAT CULTURE TAKE OFFENSE AT. None. I mean, that’s just common sense, isn’t it?

But the comments section is where common sense goes to die.

2 thoughts on “The Cardinal Rule of the Internet

  1. Just had to leave a comment on the “don’t read the comments” article.

    So why are you reading this?

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