“The tribe has spoken.” “You’re FIRED.” “Your tour ends here.” So you want to create a reality competition show? Good for you! Americans can’t get enough of ’em. Watching badly behaved people behaving badly makes us feel better about ourselves.

Perhaps you have a concept in mind. Perhaps you even have an idea of the precise sort of bad behavior you want to showcase. But you don’t have a way with words. While your contestants will write most of your script for you, you still need just the right catchphrase, the kind that will be uttered in jest around water coolers for weeks on end.

Fear not!

For a modest fee, I will create a memorable catchphrase for your reality competition show, based on its theme, environment, and/or participants. If you are not 100% satisfied, and if you do not see it either emblazoned on a tshirt at Target or hear it in passing from people not employed by your network, I will not only refund your money, I will create a snappier catchphrase which is certain to catch on.

Or, if you would like, you may select from a list of already-created catchphrases (aforementioned guarantees do not apply):

  • “Stick THAT in your tailpipe!”
  • “Please accept this Fabergé egg.”
  • “And remember what Chris DeBurgh says – DON’T PAY THE FERRYMAN!”
  • “Ladies, break is OVAH.”
  • “I’m sorry: you’ve sold your last beignet.”
  • “Blow out your candles, Laura.”
  • “Now, skip to m’Lou, my darlings!”
  • “You’re unfriended, unfollowed, and your kiss is NOT on this list.”
  • “This ain’t your first time at the rodeo.”

Act now! Thousands of badly behaved people are waiting to hear those words!

16 thoughts on “Sashay….away!

  1. Ohhhhh! Nicely done!

    As I was reading this, I kept thinking of one of my favorite TV shows, “30 Rock,” and their first season skewering of competitive reality shows with “MILF Island.” (It was terrifying. The catch-phrase, uttered by fake show-host Timothy Adams, “We no longer want to hit that.”)

    I have mixed feeling about reality show as a genre. On one hand, I think a few good things have come out of the second-wave of this form (the PBS “House” series, for instance.) But, the few shows I’ve glimpsed lately that are in the third wave are, um, really, mean.

    (And I am beginning to understand that the first wave shows, none of which I watched, were pretty cruel also.)

    So, I’m impressed your talking about this topic, and I’m impressed that you came up with such a baffling and yet accurate array of scary catch phrases. Very cool. Very cool, indeed!

      • I love drag queen/king culture. I adore RuPaul and I love World of Wonder Productions!

        But, I only watched half of one season because I was so nervous for the contestants!

        Though I’ve seen some great performers (Lady Bunny!), I have never seen a true behind-the-scenes look at what is required to be a drag entertainer.

        (Love that you watch “Drag Race”! RuPaul is tough, but she’s so inspirational!)

      • What do you mean “confess?” The Drag Race is the best show EVARRR.
        I unabashedly ask “What would RuPaul do? when I face every one of life’s dilemmas. When Natalie Cole was crying watching Dida Ritz was lip synching for her life? Oh! Honey. I don’t have to tell YOU. They made the right choice giving Princess the shitcan. What kind of drag queen can’t match her foundation with the tone of her skullcap? *sigh of disgust with eyeroll*

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