The Autumnal Equinox falls on September 23rd this year. Technically speaking, it’s still summer. But it’s full-on autumn as far as I can tell, and here’s how I can tell:
- I have to wait in line for my mid-morning coffee. I have to wait in line with a bunch of groggy college students wearing pajama bottoms and UGGs who try to put their triple-shot skinny caramel bacon no-whip barfiatos on their Terrier/Husky/Poodle cards.
- The Green Line is no longer a slight nuisance; it’s now outright dangerous for my blood pressure.
- Christmas decorations are being sold at Home Depot.
Yes, I know: my life is sooooo difficult; the return of the students to the city proper is an invigorating booster shot of youthful enthusiasm (to say nothing of expendable income) in an area known for its grumpiness; I should move somewhere else if it bothers me so much. Have I missed any salient retorts? If I have, I’m sure someone will post as much in the responses. Look: I’m aware that I’m a curmudgeon. I get called “ma’am” regularly by these same pajama-clad blossoms still dewy with all that youthful enthusiasm and crap. I turn 41 next week. I can’t keep up with the chin whiskers that so rudely break through my epidermis like a constant reminder of my impending crone-ness.
Compounding this is the fact that it’s an Election Year, and I anticipate that the ensuing “discourse” will consist mostly of finger-pointing and name-calling…I mean even more so than usual. Demonization of liberals as godless sexual deviants who want to run our country into the ground. Demonization of conservatives as religious sexual deviants who want to run our country into the ground. The current political climate is one of obstruction, sabotage and just plain nastiness. It’s depressing. It’s not going to keep me from voting, but I suspect I may have to stay off of Facebook for a few months.
My default setting is “Pessimistic.” I will spend the rest of my life trying to rewire my brain to override that. Gratitude lists help, as does remembering the things that I actually ENJOY about autumn, and the stuff I’ve got going on during this particular autumn:
- Halloween. Duh.
- Season 2 of The Walking Dead.
- My birthday. I mean, despite the fact that I’m turning 41. I want an ice cream cake from Carvel, a new tattoo, and I want my friends to come over and watch my Live Aid DVD box set so we can count mullets and laugh at what a buttclown hosebag Bono is. That’s pretty much my favorite thing to do, ever.
- In October I get to be in a B-52s “tribute” band with some of the most awesomely talented and hilarious people I know, including one of my bestest friends from high school, who’ll be playing Fred to my Cindy. We’re doing this number, which makes me so happy I bounce a little in my chair every time I think about it:
So, yeah. Bring it, autumn. Just don’t try to bait me into “political discussions” on Facebook and we’ll be all good.